Monday, 1 May 2006

Happy Moans

-someone wrote that on our fridge this week. I think its a good phrase, sums up much about this blog. I wonder who wrote it. Was it you?

Sorry about the incredible gap between this blog and the last, but i've been busy collecting honey and fertilising the queen.


I keep getting friend requests from truly terrible sleaze rock bands like this

I'm not sure what it is about my profile that makes a sleaze rock band accept them. I have had about 6 invites from bands exactly like this.

These guys i didnt accept, naturally. But i accept too many of the mediocre ones because i believe i'm going to listen to them eventually and never do. Like i have a band called 'the sixth chamber' added, and i've no idea at all who or what they are.


Lyric of the day:

"My neck has always been red."

-Lynyrd Skynrd, 'Red, white and blue'

Thought i'd start off this new regular feature with my favourite lyric EVER. This was written by skynyrd at the height of the iraq war, and its basically all either racist, overly patriotic (-same thing), or bullshit 'spinal tap of country rock' stuff like this. The video features pictures of soldiers kicking the shit out of other countries, and its just plain boss from beginning to end. And God, what a lyric...


I wrote a little note down on a piece of paper in front of me reminding me to mention 'symmetry' in my next blog. I havent a fucking clue what this means whatsoever.


I was in scotland last week staying in what used to be a church. I slept in the vestery, and it was pretty cool from beginning to end. Deer would occasionally wander across our garden. Me and clare were positive by the end of the week we would have watched all 40 episodes of the cartoon version of 'around the world in 80 days with willy fog', but we ended up watching a pitiful one episode.

I misheard Matthew one night so i believed for tea he was making us 'mussels with white lightning sauce'.


Incidentally, this whole 'myspace snooper' thing sounds like the worst idea i've heard in a long, long time. If you have it, please get rid of it now and become a better person. Not only does it remove people of privacy, it just means everyone will avoid going on your myspace site so that they're not the awful, shameful person who visits your profile the most.

The myspace site i visit the most is probably the hot club site, because i dont have any of their mp3s and i love listening to them, but it doesnt mean i want them to know, they're cocky enough gaybods already. lol jst jkin! I dont know who visits mine the most, probably someone completely predictable like tom. Tom's always been a predictable man, bless him.

Who invents this crappy software anyway, and whats their motive? 'Hey guys, last night i thought of another great idea of how to take just a little bit of privacy away from the masses and track their movements just that tiny amount more.' They're probably the same people who list 1984 as their favourite book.


I'm not going to moan about bad myspaces much, if at all, on this site. I actually find people that moan about emo myspaces and such just as irritating as the people who actually have them. If you hate bad myspaces, just have a good one, instead of talking about how much all others suck.

However, since on my last blog i said that it wasnt a good thing to put 'i'm bored' in subject titles, i have literally not received a single one with this title, so i might mention the odd tiny thing. However, i think this is just an incredibly happy coincidence.


My new band with all the keyboards and stuff had a series of names which progressed from the working title of 'the apples' to 'darjeeling' to 'the appleworms' and finally to 'the appleworths' in a vicious series of negotiations between me and james. We settled on the last one because we think it sounds like a country family, which is how we view the band.

We had our first practice today, and the majority of it was wasted playing around with an organ that we found at our practice room, as if it was placed there by magic or, just as good, God. Later research told us that it was bought from oxfam by 'the red series' for £18 and they'd just left it there, and i tried my best to ignore that removal of all mythology from this magical instrument.

Anyway, the practice was pretty mediocre, and i was vaguely disapointed. We were presented with the problem that we didnt all know one single song, and this provided huge problems in actually playing together, but a great advantage in the messing around with organs side of things.



Can any of you find a negative review of the arctic monkeys first album? Amazon reviews dont count cos theres always at least one person on amazon for every album who's just come up with the sole purpose of telling everyone wherever they can to go and start buying metallica albums again.

But really, the level of the hype behind this band is so high that i havent read one review in a magazine that hasnt conformed to it, and so i think this is a real challenge. I certainly havent read one.

I dont quite get the arctic monkeys hype, but i can kind of see what the excitement could possibly be. To me they just seem like a slightly better than normal garage indie band, better than the kaiser chiefs and not as good as the white stripes, or so i think. I dont have the first album, although i do have their new ep, because it was going for £3 and i'll buy literally anything i'm vaguely curious about if its that cheap. Havent actually listened to it yet, so i guess i'll save judgement until after i have.

But where does all the hype come from? The only major difference with them from other guitar bands seems to be that their songs are free of (some) pretention and they're from up north. I was reading an interview with them in the sunday times the other day and the writer had been very careful to make it clear just how often they say 'reet'.

In a way i'm glad to see stuff like this happening. I'm glad to see people getting really excited about bands that show signs of roots from places other than new york, california and london, and the focus moving to places like canada and northern england. In an ideal world, all the focus on music would shift to japan for a while, because its always made such great music no one's known about, but it wont of course.

So yeah, see where the challenge takes you...i imagine to a magazine that knows what its talking about.


Song of the day:

'Remember (walkin in the sand)' by the shangri-las. I was turned on to the shangri las by the new york dolls, who said they were the best pop band of all time. I find it hard to disagree. Twisted Sisters biggest hit was a cover of their 'leader of the pack', which i always find amazing to think about really.


I have to go now. This blog wasnt shorter by mistake or intent: it has to be like this because i have to go now. So dont think i'm going easy on you.

James H.

Wednesday, 12 April 2006

More Shit About Buildings and Food

Hi everyone,

I've put some pictures up from years ago, which you might like to see. Or you might not. I'm going to allow you the choice. I found a lot of photos of haircuts i really miss.

I think i'm gonna put photos of the olden days up and take them down about once a week, so keep checking every now and again if you'd like to see some photos of me and 'the guys' in year 8, or alexis' shiny trousers. No pressure though

My leeds ticket cost 185 on ebay, which someone, somewhere, will probably see as too much. I think this is easily enough for what is essentially a three day sleepover in the style of old with tom and joe, interspersed with adventures in electric music with michael and louise.


Why is it that whenever jodie marsh or tara palmer tompkinson are mentioned on tv theres always someone, usually themselves, saying how they're 'actually quite intelligent really and dont deserve the bad press they get.'

What? You're still doing a worthless job, whether you got a few a levels or not, love. Any comments on how you're intellectually valid can instantly be dismissed with the reminder that your only job is fucking about in adverts and sometimes narrating 'The Planets Funniest Animals'.

Its like when peoples only defence of the queen is that 'shes a really nice person'.

If it looks like an idiot, and it talks like an idiot, and has a job of an idiot, then its fucking jodie marsh.


I love the phrase 'Sangfroyd debating society'. Whoever coined this is brilliant. Was it sam?


Iain Pyes summary of my effect on music:

"WELL, YOURS is the wholesale decontruction of music into a new art form, erasing the last 200 years of musical development with progressive movements and amps with holes in"

I've typed and retyped my response to this so many times. But basically, hes wrong. This all comes from the time i told iain it wasnt a good idea to try to bring hair metal back onto the charts with his new band, and he wouldnt succeed, and as such he now believes that i'm all for ignoring all musical developments that have occured in the past.

However, he strangely still regards me as 'old school' when it comes to music, as many people do. In fact on friday he boasted that he was more old school than me because he'd bought two vinyl KISS albums.

I never really understood where this opinion of me as a regressionist music fan that only likes one thing came from, it seems to be only Joe that doesnt hold this opinion.

I think its a combination of the fact that i sometimes say I dont like the kaiser chiefs, which makes people believe i'm a closed minded hermit in my fortress of punk rock, and also the fact that i never defend my music taste when its criticised, because i cant be bothered, and i never boast about it either, because i cant be bothered.

In an environment where you have a wide musical taste if you like both rock music and hip hop, i guess i dont really stand a chance..


I was recently talking to someone who had ripped jeans, and i asked him if he'd ripped them himself.

He said 'No, the factory does it much better.'


I love it when bands miss out the least important members of their groups in photo shoots. Oasis have started doing it recently, i think its the bassist they miss out. Or anyone in supergrass that isnt Gaz Coombes.

The rolling stones have been doing it for a while now with their bassist. You won't know who i'm talking about of course, thats my point, so here is. He's been in the band for fifteen years now since Bill Wyman left due to an addiction to breasts:

How much the stones mistreat him has always amazed me. In their recent live dvds, he isnt onstage with them, hes made to play backstage so the audience can focus on the people they came to see without any distractions at all.

What a depressing existence he must have. Hes in the "greatest rock n roll band in the world" and as such plays with them live, hangs out with them (probably) and writes parts for their multi-million selling albums. But who knows it? No one but his possibly fat and dead mother. It must be really depressing meeting new people.

'So what do you do?'

'Oh, i play bass. I'm actually the bassist for the rolling stones'

'Haha, no but really. What do you do? Marketing?'


Mike Longster started talking to me:

AHHHHH lLOST MA PHONE - hayley plz ring my house 01928 740629 Gypos in Manley!!!!! says:

gypos about too, keep your trailers locked up

James says:

i dont have any trailers

AHHHHH lLOST MA PHONE - hayley plz ring my house 01928 740629 Gypos in Manley!!!!! says:

oh, ur alrite then - jerry cans and scrap too, they're bastards and irish

James says:

right, i see

AHHHHH lLOST MA PHONE - hayley plz ring my house 01928 740629 Gypos in Manley!!!!! says:

just so u know

James says:

thanks i'll try to take care

AHHHHH lLOST MA PHONE - hayley plz ring my house 01928 740629 Gypos in Manley!!!!! says:

do u know wher they r parked up cos i hav a m8 got his car knicked and we wanna fnd it

James says:

how would i know where they're parked, you just told me about them...

AHHHHH lLOST MA PHONE - hayley plz ring my house 01928 740629 Gypos in Manley!!!!! says:

a lot of ppl normally know

James says:

right well i dont know what you're talking about really

James says:

at all


I'm getting my hair cut short tomorrow. Mikes response to this was saying 'shit' a lot.

When i searched into google 'haircut' for this picture the first web result is a site "
Offering video tapes of women having their heads shaved bald.

I was afraid to go on it, in case it was one of them sites, but god it looks likely and worrying.


Putting 'I'm bored' in titles of bulletins doesnt make them any less sad, kids.


I've been working for quite a while now on this blog (accidentally deleted it) and biology coursework and i've inadvertantly left the honeyshop screamers album 'live at fezfest' running on repeat for ages because i've been too distracted to change it. I must've heard it about four times today.

Paul, if you still read this blog, you get a really weird feeling when you listen to this album for ages. Its kind of like travel sickness mixed with the feeling you get climbing trees as a child. Was this intended in the production of the album?

I remember the time in year ten when someone sent me 'Gay bar' by electric six and i forgot to stop playing it, and it just went round and round for about 90 minutes. By the end of it i kept dropping the word 'gay' into conversation without realising it for the rest of the day.


I was in tescos the other day and i was trying to get a passport photo for my provisional driving licence, and the machine wouldnt take five ps so i went to a til and asked for them to change it.

The woman became really irate and defensive and said i had to go to customer services to get 20p, saying she didnt have the authority to give me 20p. So i bastarding well went.

I was actually 4p short anyway, and so i had to go round helsby trying to raise 4p in whatever way i could. The story of how i got it in the end is very very funny, but its for another day.


Worst album covers of all time:


Yngwie Malmsteen-Trilogy


Dee Dee Ramone-Standing in the Spotlight (The hip hop one, if anyone ever sees this for sale buy it for me, i'll pay you later, I need this)

Ronnie Spector-She talks to rainbows (Wicked record though, theres a ramones song and a thunders song on there, done by my favourite postar ever)


It says so much about the state of our nations health that we are now having defribilators installed in public buildings to reduce deaths from heart attacks.


Got my ribena cutting today!

It cheered me up quite a bit. It came with a booklet on how to grow it that was full of lame jokes about calling the plant ben and EVERYTHING.

It said 'we are trying to raise awareness of the health benefits of blackcurrants'. However, it also said that it would be two years before i saw any blackcurrants from this plant, by which time i could very well be dead (as, i imagine, would the plant), and i'd have never got any health benefits from these blackcurrants. So perhaps its not gonna have a great effect on peoples opinion of blackcurrants is it, IS IT? HEY?


Brilliant! heads


There is so much bullshit in adverts that no one takes time to notice. Like 'intel centrino technology', what the hell is that? Nobody knows, nobody ever will.

I once saw an advert for sure which said 'Now contains Clearex' and then tried to pass clearex off as a real chemical that stopped white marks on clothes. I'll bet anything it was water.


In a recent conversation with someone about the lipstick killers, they kept referring to us continually as 'true punk', and then he went into a big rant about local bands that werent true punk but were pretending to be yadayadayada, and i just had to nod along, pretending to know who he was talking about...but who WAS he talking about? Mum says no?

'True punk' is a term i've disliked for quite a long time now. It always reminds me of the teenage sex pistols fans you overhear wasting their time bitching about Good Charlotte in the metal section of HMV. 'True punk' is an overused term, and it gives people the idea that the sex pistols are a standard that everyone must strain to reach when making their own music.

From my earliest experiences of punk music, i noticed the hipocracies of punk, through the simplistic eyes of an 11 year old. I assumed that the core principles of punk were:

-Making things simple
-Celebrating the bad things in your life
-People being allowed to do what they want

So I used to get pretty confused about a lot of things, such as why punks wore these expensive leather jackets when surely the best option would be the cheapest clothes possible (ie faded yellow polo shirts from oxfam...just like david byrne wears in the video above...perhaps this is slightly subconciously biased), or why so many punk bands seemed like such snobs, like the way johnny rotten seemed to hate all music ever made yet was in a band, a band that was just making people more violent and stupid.

As david byrne said (sorry), "Here comes that rock n roll image of bad boys in leather jackets again. Its a fantasy people like to have-that the guy on the street knows more than the businessman in his office."

Getting a bit off point. 'True punk' cant exist. According to the punk ethos, it should be the musical genre where anything goes, there is no hierachy, no superiority, no limits. But it wasnt like that at all, it just spawned a trend of people who dressed the same and hated almost everything.

So yeah....what was i talking about?


On the subject of the lipstick killers, i've put a new band together, because i'm tired of this fuzz guitar rock n roll thing with the lipstick killers being so limited, in that its only me that can do what i want, the rest have to keep a pretty steady rhythm. So this new ones all about clean guitars, 3 singers, noises, and a really playful approach. Some people snigger when i tell them our keyboardist is a guy two years younger than us, but he's still the best local musician i've ever heard.

Writing material for it has actually proved easier than writing for the lipstick killers, in that i can play anything that sounds catchy at any pitch, scale etc, as opposed to constantly having to think about whether it sounds enough like something the stooges would write so it'll fit in with our other songs.

However, i am once again at the stage where i need to think of a band name. I hate this part, i always get the impression that if i make a mistake naming the band, people will get the wrong impression and never like us, ever. I get pretty worried about it really. Could change the way the band is received by an audience entirely.

This is why i want the band to be called 'James the one fitty and all his little titties'


"It is going to be a true generation of swine, a decade run by cops with no humor, with dead heroes, and diminished expectations, a decade that will go down in history as the Gray Area. At the end of the decade, no one will be sure of anything except that you must obey the rules, sex will kill you, politicians lie, rain is posion, and the world is run by whores. These are terrible things to have to know in your life, even if you're rich."
-Hunter S. Thompson, on the dawn of the 21st century.

I always liked Thompson's work, but it was always so clear that he was just the biggest penis you could ever meet, a typical american warped his countrys' paranoid and arrogant mindset. Johnny Depp nails him in 'Fear and loathing in Las Vegas', you intensely dislike him but you cant stop watching because you're fascinated with him.


My current profile song is todays song of the day. I really love Richard Hell.

Richard Hell always impresses me with the twists he'll put on things. Like on this one where the title and first few lines lead you into thinking that this is gonna be a standard, unrealistic love song about endless dedication from a man to a woman, but then this line 'its so good that you get it from my hand' comes in and it reveals itself to be a song about a man being overly possessive of his lover, which is far more realistic and a lot less lame.

Then, loads of times when the song seems to be climaxing to some kind of 'i love you' type lyric, he pauses and just sighs 'ohhhhhhh noooooooo', afraid to give any real compliment, again, giving a more realistic view of men. The lyrics where he asks the girl if they can just talk about him, too. Or the lyric 'what you say to me proves, i'm more romantic than you', which i thinks about all the knitpicking, point-scoring arguments you have in a close relationship, where you go over everything each other has ever said.

Its stuff we're all familiar with, and i get a lot more from this than the standard you're-right-i'm-wrong here-i-am-forever love song you often get from men. If this even is a love song-i hope its not, but i think he did actually write it for someone, which is a pretty gutsy thing to do in itself.

Also, Robert Quine plays lead guitar on it, and hes one of my favourite guitarists ever. His playing sounds so luxurious and slippery.

Three cheersRichard Hell and the Voidoids 01 for Richard.


When are my blogs gonna stop getting longer? When you shove it, thats when.


Bye everyone,

james h x

Sunday, 26 March 2006

Fcuk Pete Doherty

Hi! Welcome! Alright!


Last night, by which I mean Jordan's party, was pretty good really. Kingsley institute is my kind of place, a totally normal place on the surface but if you're willing to get up to some minor mischief you can find all kinds of bizarre fun. My favourite things about it included the disabled toilet that was full of old gas fires and stools, the organ and the store room that to me and james was like aladin's cave. We took a breakfast menu and a framed picture of the place from the walls (i wanted a lamp as well but thought it was too far, least to mention impossible), and we're planning to return them at another party in a few weeks which is also at the same place. However we in some way want to do something to the back of them before they are returned, my ideas include:
-An intricately and lovingly done nude drawing.
-A poem about dogs
-Several phone numbers with swear words written above them.
-A letter to the management of the place thanking them for the loan.
-Covering the entire back of it with small photos of breasts, with incredibly small photos of Kilroys face in a few of the small gaps between them.
-Glueing a smiley face made from aluminium foil and salt dough onto it.
-Writing a small essay about british wildlife in marker pen.
-Smearing a series of fascist slogans in fake blood.
-Wrapping them up in innumerable layers of the news of the world and sunday sport.

We'll then place them on the bar with a post-it note saying 'thanks so much for this'.

I also noticed there was a tape in the house stereo, so i popped that in my pocket too. It will be returned as well, of course. It turned out to be the most mental tape in the world. It includes Dr Dre tracks, classic 1930's 'charlie brown theme' style piano tracks, and a distant recording of a group of young ballerinas having a lesson, presumably in the institute hall. I'm sure further listening will provide even more great results. I'll keep you posted.

But to return to the party as a whole, i had a lot of fun. Tom getting his violent comeupance was a low point, but tom thrashing around with me on the dance floor saying he 'couldnt see' easily made up for this.

Seven of my favourite album covers (but not necesarily favourite albums):

Johnny Thunders and Sylvain Sylvain-Sad Vacation

Talking Heads-Little Creatures

Neil Young-On the Beach

New York Dolls-New York Dolls (ahh luffs)

The Stooges-Fun House

The Fall-This Nation's Saving Grace
[cover art]
The Call-Modern Romans (I've never even heard this album)

The next five albums I wanna buy:
Transformer-Lou Reed
The Cello Suites Inspired by Bach-Yo Yo Ma
Extraordinary Machine (the new version)-Fiona Apple
The Idiot-Iggy Pop

This genuinely hasnt been put up cos its nearly my birthday.

I bloody love David Attenborough.

David Attenborough's voice has the most soothing, re-assuring effect on my state of mind, like Little Richard's did when i was a little kid. I think what connects them both is the fact they seem to have such a deep set enthusiasm and passion for what they're doing, you get the impression theres nothing they'd rather be doing than talking/singing to you. And that really makes you respect them, you cant help but admire their confidence in the fact that they're doing something really well. If everyone talked like David Attenborough, everyone would listen intently to what each other had to say and the world would be a grander place for it.

He should really go into the music business, and do stuff like the black eyed pea's 'Where is the love?' in spoken word. Perhaps Roger Moore could do the rap sections, with his 'lovely brown voice'. I'm pretty sure it would have a much better effect on the world than it did with the 'peas did it, just cos its him.

Patrick Moore has a similar effect on me, but his voice is more intellectually inspiring.

Maybe i'm totally wrong and i just like David Attenborough's voice cos i like animals and Little Richard's cos i like early rhythm and blues. Perhaps the both of them.


I wish i didnt like supermarkets so much. I feel like someone David Byrne would write a song about. I'll drop doing most things around the house for a chance to go to a supermarket.

A place like tescos doesnt fit in with any trend of things i like; I dont like places that are big and white and clean and pristine, i dont like multi-purpose corporate chains where i can get anything i want, i dont really even like shopping for food that much. So what is it?

My mum summed up this attitude and also said the most talking heads-ish lyric the other day outside borders:

"I really don't like these places but they are incredibly conveniant"


We got the instructions for our house that we rented in north scotland today. It says things like 'the water is brown because it runs through peat but it contains no peat.' and other such mental things. However nothing surpassed the head-westerning factor of the instructions of what to do if the water stopped (this is completely real):

"Go over the back garden fence and through the shrubs and over the field, pass the deer wallow you find and go through a small hazel grove until you come across a ruined cottage. The water tank is in the center of this cottage. When you arrive at it, shake the pipe sticking out from the ground in the direction of Ben Mor."

There isn't a single line in 'The Wicker Man' that is this mental and illogical.


What a bloody long blog this has been. Well i guess i should let you get some rest.

Sweet dreams,

James x

Tuesday, 21 March 2006

Tim Westwood and Other Animals


-The lowest of the low. The most incomprehensibly out of place, unknowing failure of a character we're likely to ever see unless for some reason we suddenly find out Alan Partridge was real. And even then it'd be close. There is nothing good about tim westwood on any serious level at all. If it was all some huge joke, and i sometimes tell myself it must be, by some guy to make us all cringe-like Ali G but good-i think it'd be the best act of comedy ever, because it all seems like a brilliantly done portrayal of a mid-life crisis. But its so serious. Thats what gets me.

Its how a man born only eleven years after my parents can seriously say things like 'oh yeah man, i was up there at da club last night, and i was dancing with so many ladies, i had to wonder if any bruvvas were gonna get in because it was just so jam packed with ladies from wall to wall right at the beginning. So many ladies...' with seemingly no sense of how ludricous this all is.

Some of his catchphrases which radio 1 listeners will be used to:

"My skills are PSYCHE!"

"Drop a bomb on it"

"Its gonna go bang in your face!" (-my favourite)

"Go hard or go home" (-close second)

"Fall back"-what?

"I'm the big dog"

"Nothing but big things"

All very well and shite, but for someone who went to Norwich private Cathedral Grammar School? Perhaps a little out of place...

When you listen to Westwoods radio 1 show, the overriding feeling you get is that its like when the semi-nerdy kid at primary school, who wore Gola tracksuits when everyone else wore Adidas and Reebok ones, by some strange twist of fate got to hang out with the cool kids-who'd already seen a few 15 films and made jokes about sex that were too foreign to you for you to risk not laughing at- y'know that type. And there'd be that atmosphere that was unstoppable that this was a person who could study the people he wanted to be incredibly closely and notice their behaviour, but when he came to do it himself, he may as well have pissed himself for how shameful it all was. But the cooler kids wouldnt show up this obvious fake, because they were appreciating the ultimate compliment that is someone emulating you and didnt want to disrupt it. This is EXACTLY what Tim Westwoods radio shows are like, its almost like dropping a microphone into that playground situation. Tim Westwood will sit with whoever he's got on his show and the conversation will basically be a circle of;

'You're a brilliant rapper'

'yeah thanks'

'Yeah totally man, you're a brilliant rapper, totally agree with you there. Buzzin'

'oh thats cool of you to say man'

'nothing but big things'

Most conversations are interspersed with a black person shouting 'Westwoooooooood!' muffled in the backround occasionally. I dont what we're meant to think when this happens, perhaps that hes broadcasting live from da hood, where he is so famous that people shout his name from the streets up to his bedroom pirate radio station that is also radio 1. Maybe we're supposed to think its tim himself rapping, as we are when he puts his picture on the front of his compilation cds and calls them 'westwood-anthology' and so on. Maybe tim westwood should just fuck off.

I guess i should stop listening to the radio.


Here are some anagrams of my name that i like:








Be honest, you checked them to see if they really were anagrams didnt you


My guitar smashed itself in half last night. I cant help but feel partly responsible, as i had propped it on a plastic box at a slanty angle a few seconds before its suicide attempt, and perhaps this act of neglect was what pushed it over the edge, who can say. I feel like i've lost a good friend, we're gonna to try to get it repaired but its not looking good. I'm very pissed, it took me so long to buy that fucker.


Harolds going mental, harolds going mental, harolds going mentalllll

Harold <3 Murder and 'repression of evil' (ie murder)



Saturday, 18 March 2006

The live final of Stars in their Eyes Kids...

...was something I missed. I was kinda upset when i realised. The main reason i wanted to watch, apart from my deep and pure love for it, was to watch the entrants that were clearly flukes that could sing one song a bit like the artist fall flat on their faces with attempts at others. Like the kylie minogue girl. Sometimes i'm such a victim of the reality tv mindset, and i watch just to see people make total badgers of themselves. Shameful.

A big wreck of a week this week. 3 days off with le flu, wasnt even fun illness either. It was the properly knackering type that could probably batter you dead easily if it felt like it.

Spent most of my week re-acquainting myself with how blisteringly funny brasseye and the day today are. Especially the one where Chris Morris interviews an elderly female rights activist, and asked what she would do if he tried to sexually assault her ("its not VERY likely to happen, but lets just say it did...")-

'I would beat you off'

'How long would you beat me off for?'

'Well as long as it took'

'And what if another man tried to join in'

'Well i'd have to beat him off as well'

'But what if a whole room of men were going at you, would you beat all them off as well?'

'Well i'd have a jolly good go'

'And what about the dry cleaning afterwards?'

'...oh, moneys the least of it.' lol

So yeah, a week well spent. It can be summed up with this image:

Lou's mini-party on thursday night was wicked, too. All good people in a good house, led to all round good times. Face painingly good.


Possible names for my children:

Golly Gosh

Eagle St. Leo Sarah-Jane Monarchy Battallion Jr.

Quincy Lego

Sesame the Inevitable Warrior (Sammy for short)

Butter Me-Uppington

Bruce Branches

Hattie Craze


I remember when Deal or No Deal wasnt funny to anyone except me and Jon.


Here are some pictures of animals:


And thats all for this week

Bye bye


Tuesday, 7 March 2006

Least favourite type of prejudice

There is at least a funny side to having a cold: the mind numbing effect it has on your..on your mind..
My mum just said it wasnt a good idea to drink coffee this late at night. My reply was 'I'll drink whatever I want to do'. Fuck..

I'm already worried about the effect of myspace. There are now so many ways to contact me-text me, phone me, phone me at home, email me, talk to me on msn, write me a letter, parcelbomb me, comment to me on myspace, 'bulletin' me, email me on myspace, write a comment about my pictures on myspace, leave me flowers, and so on.

I can tell its going to get too hard to handle, and soon i'll have to desperately phone some cheap company advertised on channel five to sort my life into one fixed, easy monthly payment.

I've written four people poems but no one has written me one. This makes me weep into my willow. Pillow, i mean.

At tea today my mum said "whenever i feel down, i just thank myself that i'm not a german or an emperor penguin". It worked to cheer me up, but perhaps not in the racist and illogical way she intended.

At another dinner, months before, she discussed the legal status behind burning corpses in our garden.

Song of the day: 'Deceptacon' by Le Tigre. Its brilliant, one of those things that makes me think my generation has a lot of hope after all. I heard a version of in which the vocals were replaced by those of 'get ur freak on' by Missy Elliott, and it was a most magical of experiences, a lot like finding a fiver in an old coat-at first immense confusion followed by an over-riding feeling of happiness.

I need a job. Anyone that wants me to pay me to do something for them-get in touch. Essays, dumping of boy/girlfriends and vandalism are all fine.

Question of the day: What is the most normal thing you've ever seen?(Dont really answer this)

James X

Saturday, 4 March 2006

And so it begins

Christ setting all this up took a long time. It had better be worth it, but i dont see how it can really. I'm only here cos Sarah insisted that it was my destiny, and who am I to argue with destiny or, more importantly, Sarah?

I feel assez rotten today, as i spent a few hours walking in the snow last night with Tom Poole, so i have a 'chill' whatever the fuck that is. He took me on a tour of the sites of Frodsham-Steph Cooper's house, The Spanish Properties shop, The place where you are most likely to die, if such a thing exists in frodsham.

I'm streaming Bjork's album 'Medulla' from, which I bought my brother for Christmas once but have never heard myself. I don't know much about the album but i do know that she was deliberately trying to do something totally different with it, and she seems to have succeeded. It sounds like a collection of random recordings of windy sounding oohs and thumps which by a wonderful coincidence fit perfectly together, which it probably is in reality. Throat singing from an icelandic midget...

I'm writing stories, which me and James want to record with sound effects and dancey keyboard parts one saturday. It is proving hard. We want it to be dark words with light music to make an amusing contrast. So far i have a tale of a victorian christmas and something called 'Leo Sayer'. It is not going well.

Plans for Jizzlefizzle are in the pipeline kids, volunteers welcome...

Jaymz xXx