Hi! Welcome! Alright!
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Last night, by which I mean Jordan's party, was pretty good really. Kingsley institute is my kind of place, a totally normal place on the surface but if you're willing to get up to some minor mischief you can find all kinds of bizarre fun. My favourite things about it included the disabled toilet that was full of old gas fires and stools, the organ and the store room that to me and james was like aladin's cave. We took a breakfast menu and a framed picture of the place from the walls (i wanted a lamp as well but thought it was too far, least to mention impossible), and we're planning to return them at another party in a few weeks which is also at the same place. However we in some way want to do something to the back of them before they are returned, my ideas include:
-An intricately and lovingly done nude drawing.
-A poem about dogs
-Several phone numbers with swear words written above them.
-A letter to the management of the place thanking them for the loan.
-Grass
-Covering the entire back of it with small photos of breasts, with incredibly small photos of Kilroys face in a few of the small gaps between them.
-Glueing a smiley face made from aluminium foil and salt dough onto it.
-Writing a small essay about british wildlife in marker pen.
-Smearing a series of fascist slogans in fake blood.
-Wrapping them up in innumerable layers of the news of the world and sunday sport.
We'll then place them on the bar with a post-it note saying 'thanks so much for this'.
I also noticed there was a tape in the house stereo, so i popped that in my pocket too. It will be returned as well, of course. It turned out to be the most mental tape in the world. It includes Dr Dre tracks, classic 1930's 'charlie brown theme' style piano tracks, and a distant recording of a group of young ballerinas having a lesson, presumably in the institute hall. I'm sure further listening will provide even more great results. I'll keep you posted.
But to return to the party as a whole, i had a lot of fun. Tom getting his violent comeupance was a low point, but tom thrashing around with me on the dance floor saying he 'couldnt see' easily made up for this.
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Seven of my favourite album covers (but not necesarily favourite albums):
Johnny Thunders and Sylvain Sylvain-Sad Vacation
Talking Heads-Little Creatures
Neil Young-On the Beach
New York Dolls-New York Dolls (ahh luffs)
The Stooges-Fun House
The Fall-This Nation's Saving Grace
[cover art]
The Call-Modern Romans (I've never even heard this album)
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The next five albums I wanna buy:
Transformer-Lou Reed
The Cello Suites Inspired by Bach-Yo Yo Ma
Extraordinary Machine (the new version)-Fiona Apple
Arular-M.I.A
The Idiot-Iggy Pop
This genuinely hasnt been put up cos its nearly my birthday.
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I bloody love David Attenborough.
David Attenborough's voice has the most soothing, re-assuring effect on my state of mind, like Little Richard's did when i was a little kid. I think what connects them both is the fact they seem to have such a deep set enthusiasm and passion for what they're doing, you get the impression theres nothing they'd rather be doing than talking/singing to you. And that really makes you respect them, you cant help but admire their confidence in the fact that they're doing something really well. If everyone talked like David Attenborough, everyone would listen intently to what each other had to say and the world would be a grander place for it.
He should really go into the music business, and do stuff like the black eyed pea's 'Where is the love?' in spoken word. Perhaps Roger Moore could do the rap sections, with his 'lovely brown voice'. I'm pretty sure it would have a much better effect on the world than it did with the 'peas did it, just cos its him.
Patrick Moore has a similar effect on me, but his voice is more intellectually inspiring.
Maybe i'm totally wrong and i just like David Attenborough's voice cos i like animals and Little Richard's cos i like early rhythm and blues. Perhaps the both of them.
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I wish i didnt like supermarkets so much. I feel like someone David Byrne would write a song about. I'll drop doing most things around the house for a chance to go to a supermarket.
A place like tescos doesnt fit in with any trend of things i like; I dont like places that are big and white and clean and pristine, i dont like multi-purpose corporate chains where i can get anything i want, i dont really even like shopping for food that much. So what is it?
My mum summed up this attitude and also said the most talking heads-ish lyric the other day outside borders:
"I really don't like these places but they are incredibly conveniant"
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We got the instructions for our house that we rented in north scotland today. It says things like 'the water is brown because it runs through peat but it contains no peat.' and other such mental things. However nothing surpassed the head-westerning factor of the instructions of what to do if the water stopped (this is completely real):
"Go over the back garden fence and through the shrubs and over the field, pass the deer wallow you find and go through a small hazel grove until you come across a ruined cottage. The water tank is in the center of this cottage. When you arrive at it, shake the pipe sticking out from the ground in the direction of Ben Mor."
There isn't a single line in 'The Wicker Man' that is this mental and illogical.
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What a bloody long blog this has been. Well i guess i should let you get some rest.
Sweet dreams,
James x
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